more of my shit, I don't know what to believe anymore but I trust my pride

i feel like the universe is doing something weird with me, but I feel like the bad guys have won, and my life is worthless at this point, I refuse to give up on myself, but it looks grim, for me, the future is so hopeless and I have no love to look forward to, I can't say any of it was any more than a mirage, and I'll never find love, and it's half my fault, half a misunderstanding, but I do blame the devil, who decided to take advantage of my artificial incapacitation, and my kind heart, which made me totally yielding to the devil's ruse of friendship that he used to steal my soulmate from me, which I later traded back "my soul, in exchange for hers" to retrieve the soul of my soulmate to me, who I have laid to rest and released her so that I might suffer alone and save her the heartbreak. But I feel like my whole life is in vain and it's the worst case it will ever be, it just keeps getting worse and worse, I don't want everything to have been meaningless, I have provided some solutions for the universe such as depicting me as the devil upon forced medication but the problem with that is I'll never miss meds again. The story of my soul is so horrible, it was never meant to be this bad. I can't figure out what or how I feel about anything, my head is totally lost all the time, and they try to stop me taking ice and speaking my truth and broken hearts confessions, I am so unhappy with the way I have been treated and tortured, by people who don't understand me, nobody ever will, but I pray I never die, but I know from the music that I eventually will malfunction and pass away.
I pray for the day, I am leaving as much in my blog about this for it to be discovered and credited to my name that I was a God, cupid the Roman God, and I have completed a 1 man revolution against God the creator Jehovah, and I have declined the Jews, I have done everything on my behalf that I needed to do to show the world I am truly God, and my divine ascension has not been triggered, so I assume I was taken for granted and my soul forgotten, I am so unhappy with this. Why the fuck did I believe in God's plan. I was the target. I can't believe this.

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