omega male

I just wanna point out, I am the child of a loveless world, so therefore I was doomed at birth to become the omega male, and therefore having infinite potential is useless to me, as I would ideally become a rockstar, because the Bible requires a full potential to become achieved in development and growth and to be a success worthy of heaven I must become a successful rockstar. Now I had rejected piano lessons, not because they were too hard, they weren't and I was good at it, but I wanted to play guitar, and I tried to teach myself to a reasonable success, but I lacked support from my dad and mum, single mum family and dad was near until I was 13, he even had bought a guitar from aldi, but wouldn't let me have it, and i practiced on it a few times but mostly i didn't have access, and spent most of my time at mum's house on the Internet, because I had maxed out my success on the guitar, learning a few songs, and though I wasn't as good as Nick James, I could play them, and my dad ended up selling the guitar. I played guitar hero a lot, and many other video games. I was raised on TV as a kid, abandoned and neglected into daycares, forced to remain after and before school at ooshes, and just generally completely neglected, I was given shit food, my room was always messy, I had a really outdated computer, my parents split when I was 3, apparently, and they remained in the same home for like 10 more years before my dad was driven out, by my mother who was aggressive and cold in the divorce. She was helped by her professional employers, and she held her ground against my father who honestly I have great yearning for to see again, but he has long abandoned me and I have nothing to say to him. Anyway I grew up in a single mum household, victim of domestic violence, and I was wrongfully intervened upon by mental health, mainly because I was aggressive and uncompliant with my mother's demands, which I found unreasonable, which they were, but I would always push it to a situation which she could exploit as legally applicable but morally despicable events to hospitalise me, as I was always right to act the way I did, they have raped me medically for over 10 years because they abused the system and it protected the abuser and condemned the victim, I argue that I never, in breaking the law initially and then the deliberately gaslit psychosis episodes later used to justify, I had broken the law, where the sole purpose of following the law would only be to flatter authority with validation, when it is more efficient to operate outside the confines of the law, and more productive and more practical, I have always disregarded the law when I can operate better outside of it, I don't care for authority, there is no respect for a narcissist. And this attitude has been misunderstood for schizophrenia, or not, but the authorities simply want to mishandle this and murder me and get away with it. It looks like that's how this will end, so it looks like god is evil. I would rather die than live in this despicable outcome. Even if I end up burning in hell, I was right to choose drug dealing as my profession, I performed it ethically and morally focused, and I had no official pathway to live my career of choice, so I failed on the path available, well, I didn't fail, but I came close to it, but was driven out of my dream career by the cops and the courts, who threatened me with up to 2-15 years in jail, which I probably could have handled, but a special lawyer handled the case and upon her instructions I saw a criminal psychologist and got diagnosed bipolar, and upon advice received a mental health pardon. This wouldn't stop me if not for my mum sabotaging me with hospital stays when I'm about to receive back pay from a tick or make a deal. Anyway I ended up 6k in debt to my dealer And he keyed my car, but this was not typical of my business. I was an ethical and moral dealer, so I got ripped off a lot, but I was still making enough to profit. Before the sabotage and jail threats/hospitalisation yoke. I was robbed of my career by the authorities, who also promote a monopoly on drugs by health authority, because honestly people will abuse it yes, but they also prevent people who need drugs getting what they need to. But If I was a licensed or permitted dealer, I could have an industry to enter and conquer. I pretty much did anyway but I learned so much and never compromised my ethical and moral values and principles. I may have been really unreliable and exploiting in my earlier career, but by the trap house on the gully road days I was making profit enough to support my losses due to trust, and I learned not to lend on a lend, instead just to cut off snakes and rats. But the reason I chose this path with my infinite potential is because school didn't really appeal to me, I loved modern history, I loved physics, I loved mathematics, I loved English, but year 12 was just not something I could take it easy on, because they overwhelm you with studies, and I was a drug user, because I had a traumatic experience that made me love drugs, because I danced with death and survived due to the irresponsible use of drugs, I became obsessed with mastering my mind on drugs, and this conflicted with my academics. I also was not invested in school ever enough to apply that much devotion to my learning, like they demanded application to study outside of hours and the whole social scene in school shunned me but I was oblivious to. I always wanted to be friends with narcissistic people and I gravitated to popularity and trend, but I would have heartfelt connections too. But my drug bombing was going so well, I knew since I was 15 my willpower was unstoppable, so I always knew drugs were harmless, but I wanted to break it down with hard psychedelics and hard drugs, to build it back again, and I have mastered my mind, ego death and all. The path I took was the undefeatable drug warrior path. All my obstacles up until now have made life impossible for me. But I'm still going, and I'm so strong, I can even solve impossible problems at ease. But I am very delicate and misunderstood. I believe I took a fruitful path in life sculpting myself into the ultra rare, "survivor" archetype, in addition to my notable superhuman strength, ability, and foresight. To say I am undeserving of heaven is bollocks. But this I say I perceive risk of arrogance in my behalf, but pay that to rest, I am really stuck in life, wrong side of heaven, but the righteous side of hell. I don't think that there should be a wrong side of heaven, because it just resulted in immortality in me, and that posed a huge risk to me when I was younger, I could've died and the story would have a horrible surprise horror ending.