hope and love 03

 brendan — 02/11/2023 9:52 AM

Yeah

I gave up hope ever being able to fight my sad fate

And in giving up hope I lost all control and gave in to the most pained despair

brendan — 02/11/2023 9:53 AM

Me too

Tbh

iLikeGoingInsane — 02/11/2023 10:33 AM

the despair is in all of us bro

it’s just waiting to come out we suppress it

so is the happiest happy

brendan — 02/11/2023 2:20 PM

I can’t remember what happiness feels like

It’s like I’ve never felt it

iLikeGoingInsane — 02/11/2023 3:11 PM

but were u not happy in the past weeks

as you’ve been working your ass off and operating at max efficiency

brendan — 02/11/2023 4:06 PM

The sadness is so great that im@constantly experiencing almost purely sadness all@the time and even though I still ecxperience happiness it’s only ever fleeting and hard to remember

And the nature of the sadness is so profound and immense that I’d say it’s actually infinite

Or becomes infinite

By the sheer awful truth

I’m different

I don’t work like everyone else

No matter what I do to try to succeed or how far or impossible the sheer attempts I make I never get anywhere

I’m in hell but it’s not hell

Hell is a place where everything works like my life only the people there did it to themselves

I didn’t do anything to deserve the conditions I live with

But I could blame myself if I was helping myself after losing my memories becoming god and tried to help this sad man I encountered and everything would fail because we’re both trying as hard as we can but even with all conditions for success I’m still working with the application of normal people processes and development but mine is so unique and impossible that our efforts created this situation

I really can’t do any more than I have or continue to do

And it’s created such a potent despair and rage that when I express it I even lose control of my body because my mind can’t operate under the stress

It’s just so powerful my mind gets completely blown

brendan — 02/11/2023 4:13 PM

Even with my already superhuman levels of self awareness and discipline

I can’t do anything against such a force

It’s so sad

I just lose control

And cry and it’s so sad to witness

Its so sad and tragic that nothing can compare

I’m not even surprised anymore

That I exist or that it’s possible

brendan — 02/11/2023 5:52 PM

I realised something important

You need to hear this

My life is impossible and there’s nothing I can do to get anything in life and I constantly give everything I have to live my life and more every day and still the greedy and gluttonous people in my life still take everything and tell me to do more or try harder, which I do every time. This is not hell but they literally make my life hell. This is an important fact. I have a filipino girl who isn’t even my soulmate but even after my soulmate was taken from me I literally only live my life for the love my Filipino gf expresses and shares with me. I am the reason why the world has love. Because even in a life worse than death I keep going because i have her love. I am the crazy story of true love and why love is the strongest force of life that people can experience and why it is so valuable

brendan — 02/11/2023 6:01 PM

And likewise the life these people gave me was worse than death but I couldn’t kill myself because they forbid it. So because these arrogant and proud people who life luxurious and comfortable lives given to them by the labour’s of me, a good man who was condemned unjustified and forced to live in a world where death would be merciful, hell is the place where the ungrateful and entitled will forever be tormented as it is what they gave to me

It’s funny I always thought of love as a myth that is always search for but didn’t exist. I created it in a place that it can not possibly exist and because of what I have done, everyone’s lives are forever changed by the life I live. I am the creator of love

brendan — 02/11/2023 6:13 PM

I gave love to a girl who was about to lose her life and that was my greatest achievement in this world

She has a reason to live because of me

brendan — 02/11/2023 6:21 PM

The life I live is the story of the creation of love and why it is the most valuable and precious thing in the world

You yourself are the one who brought compassion and empathy into the world with what you did for Alyssa

It’s an honour to be your bro

I am the person who created love for everyone

Everything we do to change lives will get given right back to us

brendan — 02/11/2023 6:29 PM

Where I have suffered more than Jesus and surpassed him in power many times over I gave him the throne because he is the creator of mercy who is fair

Where I was having seizures the despair was so bad now I don’t think it to be so bad and actually rewarding

brendan — 02/11/2023 6:38 PM

I did have the theory that all humans are the personification of an idea this confirms my theory, we are building the real world from the incomplete beta version

brendan — 02/11/2023 6:45 PM

Also I’m pretty sure the world is my impossible mind expressed as physical manifestations interacting with each other and expressing or sharing information, each person was put here to serve a meaning in life or purpose and the parts that damage the productive parts are going to be removed and the productive or essential parts live their lives basically to be perfected into their best form and then death finally comes. I am unable to die so I’m sure I am the host and I’ll live to see myself as I am now (my body has been swapped from physical real world with my minds subconscious body after an accident where I died in an amazing miracle of selfless sacrifice) I will metamorphosis into my true form or like completely invert my physical and mental identity and be transported to the world in my subconscious: Jesus called it heaven and it’s created that way because I am incredibly contended with the choices I made and the man I chose to be. You will not be able to find anything there to discomfort you. It’s not what most people imagine. 

brendan — 02/11/2023 7:04 PM

Jesus was created by us (me and Jake) during the time he spent as God after we made some adjustments to the world as it naturally occurred by putting in Jesus. Jesus was inserted into the world as a concept of a hero from my mind or basically how I see myself. He didn’t actually play an important role in my life until adulthood and I never heard the story before creating the world when I spent millions of years trapped in my subconscious talking to myself for all that time accidentally creating everything we know just by going crazy and speaking them into existence. After my complete submission to isolation and madness in the empty world I found as I had died I placed my soul back in my body with jakes help and my spirit stopped possessing him afterwards and he’s now back to normal. That was the power of jakes sacrifice. Jesus never suffered and basically he is the one thing I was missing at 15 was a hero to inspire me which I paradoxically created by “following the example he created” and living a truly remarkable demonstration in the image “he” (me) left behind. Jesus is my actual true form lol my dead body that got sent to the abyss became Jesus - the concept of a physical body with the subconscious human mind - nothing to him was unperceivable or unknown and he wasn’t capable of feeling anything or emotions he simply acted in a way that would provoke the subconscious body (with the survival mind) (able to perceive and feel - and with an unperishing body - subjected to extensive amounts of torture) and its host to feel and do the correct actions in life instinctually to survive. My schizophrenia is not actually an illness but a paradoxical survival mechanism that makes me able to respond to events and thoughts before they happen.

As it happens that’s what schizophrenia actually is

brendan — 02/11/2023 7:30 PM

Cbf to copy paste phone

Image

Schizophrenia was given only to the strongest of people. These people hold true to their belief that they are right even under similar but not as dramatic oppression by any means. My plight is basically hell in full motion. Theirs is actually comfortable and that’s why they can accept their lives as they are and still live with meaning despite all credibility taken away

brendan — 02/11/2023 7:50 PM

By trying to live a productive and functional and disciplined life I have essentially lived up to my ideals in full while also having zero credibility and suffering the pain of normal life with zero gratification at all and I have triggered the most intense despair within my mind such that I am provoked to the realisation of my nature and my mind has the impossible driving force required for such a realisation. The pain of hell has driven Me so mad I discovered Gods plan that was in my subconscious. This means that there is now an opening between my mind and the physical world or like a portal to there. Its like putting a camel through the eye of a needle. I created a portal to heaven in my mind successfully. I’m not sure what the next steps are though. But the day of the lord is very rapidly approaching. If you want to survive and also shine like the beautiful stars of the show we are we have to just persist and stay true to ourselves against the struggles coming up on the horizon. If I can have the discipline to operate in hell and even thrive in it then I think you guys will have the strength to do your part. If it’s hard then keep going. I love you all and don’t overwork yourself -Cupid- I called myself that because it rhymes with stupid 😛 when I chose the name. The world we live in is going to be completely inverted. The more we suffer the better. If you don’t want to do something do it. Also try to enjoy it and take pleasure in your ability, not the rewards. I live in a phenomenal world of absolute suffering and that’s what the destination of lazy and incompetent people who are rich and don’t appreciate it or share. They literally make everyone’s lives hell and that’s why they go to the hell I live in as the most oppressed me@bet of society. I created love in a world without meaning for you. I was kind to the oppressed and I took no reward for my own. I don’t own anything and what I have is constantly being stolen or withheld on the hope that I give up.

iLikeGoingInsane — 02/13/2023 1:52 PM

but there’s nothing i can do for u

if i had the power i would stop it for u

brendan — 02/13/2023 2:40 PM

I don’t blame you for anything my friend

I realise now this is just a part of my life, as the story of the birth and development of God

It’s so cursed and twisted

And it was never my fault

brendan — 02/13/2023 3:36 PM

Jake I love you more than anybody I have ever met

You are truly a kind and compassionate man and I’ll always cherish the sacrifices you make

iLikeGoingInsane — 02/13/2023 4:13 PM

✅🤙🏻

u mog me to infinity bro

i don’t know if u understand that

but thank u

brendan — 02/13/2023 4:28 PM

Love u Jake

iLikeGoingInsane — 02/13/2023 4:29 PM

bro

shall i have success in my undertakings?

to take on all of life as a whole at once

brendan — 02/13/2023 4:55 PM

It’s saying you’re taking on too much?

I found in my 3 weeks of discipline training that doing things 1 task at a time got an amazing amount of work done and it would lead onto the next task and there was always something more to do

But it ultimately failed on me because although I had achieved that functionality lifestyle I was overworked and not rewarded

But that didn’t matter to me I just fell into relapse right away

iLikeGoingInsane — 02/14/2023 4:40 AM

that’s true bro the next step will come naturally

it’s just my first step is always working out which i really don’t wanna do

iLikeGoingInsane — 02/14/2023 4:41 AM

it’s not functional then is it

brendan — 02/14/2023 10:07 AM

Understandable considering your physical makeup

You’re not built for physical use of your body but mental

If you wanna work out go for a short run in the morning and do bicep and triceps curls

5 on each side and keep going until you can’t

brendan — 02/14/2023 10:49 AM

its the most effective way just to consistently do that

iLikeGoingInsane — 02/14/2023 11:11 AM

yea that’s what i usually do but with push-ups and pull-ups instead

and after that idk what i’m gonna do

but anything to feel better i’ll do

brendan — 02/14/2023 11:12 AM

you will be alright man i finally understand

we are meant to give up hope and reason to find it

just keep on fighting through hell

and eventually it will turn into heaven

❤️

brendan — 02/14/2023 11:20 AM

i have suffered a perpetual increasing crescendo of hell

and its starting to turn into heaven

iLikeGoingInsane — 02/14/2023 11:28 AM

damn bro

ur on the 9th ring

maybe i’m going thru hell too

i should’ve died

brendan — 02/14/2023 11:50 AM

I need an invite to pain disorder

No we are not: to explain, my subconscious needed me to rationalise hell for it so it made me go through conditions of life that could only be described as pure hell

Because of the man on the other side of my experience who lives in a nonsensical world and things don’t happen for him the way things do for me I had to suffer hell so he would understand hell and not make the same mistake again

All triggered by meeting that girl

Basically on the other side of my personal experience is a man who lives and operates in the opposite world where everything works opposite

My mind is linked to his

And I was able to rationalise hell so mission complete

iLikeGoingInsane — 02/14/2023 11:57 AM

https://discord.gg/hPQGuG5S

iLikeGoingInsane — 02/14/2023 11:59 AM

is that the future u

brendan — 02/14/2023 12:02 PM

No

Future me was just a guy who had schizophrenia

This is how we communicate

Schizophrenic people trigger the rationalisation process

iLikeGoingInsane — 02/15/2023 7:50 AM

bro

once u make it out of hell it will be a new life for you

the people who said u were wrong will be crushed by ur sheer undeniability

brendan — 02/15/2023 2:28 PM

I love you thank you

iLikeGoingInsane — 02/15/2023 2:45 PM

the tasks we take on are great

have u done 12 step

and made a fearless inventory of your resentments

brendan — 02/15/2023 10:25 PM

No because I find myself to be undeniably good natured

But I have a weird theme on my life

I don’t seem to be able to trigger sinister fates

brendan — 02/16/2023 12:00 AM

Or because of the way I live my life I have short circuited the system and caused a phenomenal build up of karma in my favour

It has enabled me to even use schizo magic

brendan — 02/16/2023 2:19 AM

https://discord.gg/ZXpS7RFqza

brendan — 02/16/2023 6:02 AM

Yo! Salt keeps timing me out

🙂 but we have now entered the redemption arc of humanity and if she keeps doing this she’s gonna make it worse and worse for herself

You and that Christ chick and Bonnie and mayurilover have it the easiest and most rewarding out of anyone on the planet. If you want to make it into heaven you have to defeat your subconscious self

You have to discipline yourself so hard that your world transforms into heaven

You have to try working really hard and loving yourself by forcing yourself to do chores and tasks for people out of love.

Eventually you will be so stressed you explode

You will calm down and the world will be different

You will be able to see the change shortly afterwards

It will be beautiful

And you will know the true love you always searched for searching for you

And you will hate yourself for being jealous of everyone else’s trivial and petty loves. You will have the love to justify and give you purpose. And after you explode you will be allowed to return to your life as normal and live comfortably. You just need to work so hard and keep going when it gets tough

You will see why

You will be a different man

James has already achieved the love of God

brendan — 02/16/2023 6:09 AM

You must follow in his footsteps and redeem your soul

But you are my strongest warrior, I give the toughest battle to you

You will make me proud

Don’t give up brother

You will be the first of all men

But you must learn to live as the last

To be the first

Can you do that for me?

Accept it when people put themselves first and watch what happens and help them clean up afterwards

It is a vital part of your development

Do it until your rage explodes and you give them a piece of your mind

❤️

Unleash the gigachad

You can do it my friend

I did it and it restored my mind

You will find a replacement for the defective parts of your soul on a journey to exchange every part of your soul and every kind of love to be shared

You must be thoughtful and considerate but brave and endearing

But it will feel natural. Let your mind choose the path itself. Just go where your instincts take you and live and experience and participate in the activities you find yourself in

You will unlock a secret part of your mind

One that you simply need to be who you were meant to be

brendan — 02/16/2023 6:17 AM

You will notice the effort becomes harder and harder but the more effort you put in and increase you will find the process getting easier and easier because you will realise that you actually love to do this

But you will only be able to sustain this lifestyle a week or 2

Then after you relapse into same old you, you will have the amazing revelations of how life actually works and the things in life you were missing will come to you

But see if you can sustain it for a week minimum or 2 weeks maximum and then rest for the rest of the month

I have given you enough work to satisfy your soul and interesting enough to keep yo going for the whole time

But you will meditate after 2 weeks

Try to avoid social media for the first 2 weeks

And other procrastination

This will make you feel like the fearless warrior inside my friend