I do not fear hell or God

Why would I fear a coward? I've been given no opportunity to fix the situation. It has been holding me in stagnation but also my life has shaped itself in a unique way likely due to the impact of mental health interventions. But I am humanity's number one achiever. Too bad my blog won't be read until it's too late. What gives me the confidence to pull that off, is my innocence in this story. I am an innocent victim, and I have been abandoned by God, I can't do the right thing, I can't use God's presented options. I am doing the right thing, and that is to resist. I am so unsure of myself, because of the way my mind rolls out to certain thoughts, I am definitely condemned, but I do not wish to move towards God's salvation, because it has an immature approach to drugs, and I simply can't help myself abstaining from drugs, I just get drugs as soon as I can, and that's something I can't unlearn, I can always strive to quit, but I'll always go back, because I simply don't accept the mental health intervention, because it's wrong to apply to me, and I will never surrender to a coward. I guess all that doesn't matter now, but I do now have a huge phobia of health care workers, and I guess it's right to quit meth, but I think by now it's doing much more for me than if I was clean.