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Showing posts from August, 2024

old links

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http://calmsheep.blogspot.com/2023/03/blog-post.html http://calmsheep.blogspot.com/2023/03/bonniesoul.html http://calmsheep.blogspot.com/2023/03/dumbich-soul.html http://calmsheep.blogspot.com/2023/03/jojojo-soul.html http://calmsheep.blogspot.com/2023/03/the-book-of-life.html https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=JUyuwDCWMqY&si=Ljsz3FaoLOceydu_

this is what my soul looks like

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I meant to say curse, this is what my curse looks like but it has a mouth https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=Qk449uj2jgU&si=WRfXVYyJLCOuYmbS

round the twist

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Have you ever, ever smoked that shit? When strange things happen, Are you going round the twirl? https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=jnrvQGapuOk&si=76OnN2Xpml-twiZF Okay so basically I figured out what the fuck is wrong with me. When I was 18 to dodge potential jail time I did not deserve, I accepted a diagnosis of bipolar to get a legal section 32 pardon crime on mental health basis. I just rolled with it because it was convenient and I needed to leech the welfare system to survive, I would not have survived had I not done this, and I genuinely believed I was mentally ill Now I realize where my schizophrenia symptoms come from: the medicine they put me on, and not only are the doctors causing me to smoke ice to relieve my dopamine deprivation they are also causing actual artificially induced schizophrenia in a non schizophrenic patient (me).  https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=oCxcIROTabw&si=jRDplH-ClwJpsMQ2 So the doctors are punishing me for smoking meth while they&

swallowing razorblades

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https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=K4DdkPuQzQs&si=zhAQIhPBmteFOylr

my favorite song in hell

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https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=p_oLQAvkUFg&si=ba9Opy5FNy77N-zG

better to suffer for love, than to be an abuser of love

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https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=LjVY3ftT6VI&si=4r_Cuw_98Ao_QKs6 Bring back king julien https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=w_oCHkCjueQ&si=ycqAJUzsrqseBzcC

heavy metal pirate continue journey

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https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=pBV_EhlF1K4&si=UDAPdOj-IQLjtI54 The suffering of my life, is greater than all the suffering of every other human who ever lived combined, but this is understandable.

how it feels to chew 5 gum 2

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https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=luXcm4JN-4I&si=RwL5PfwkeKIo-dsx The succession of self-destruction I'm vexed A bloodline of bad thoughts locked up for too long Psychological incest Fake a smile To the verge of breakdown Take a swing over the pit of hell I shut up for social conventions But if you insist No, I'm not ok It is aching It's hurting It's sore My heart is bleeding like the slit of the Devil's whore Hope is an illusion Another order for my army of demons to disobey Even my shadow has lost interest in chasing me It's coming It's coming again The affirmation of destruction Echoes inside my head And no matter what I do I can't get out of this hell The prison cell in the sulphury void That carries my name The death of hope is the birth of me Alien phenomenon Spat out from the cunt of the underworld Mental maelstrom Fake a smile To the verge of breakdown Take a swing over the pit of hell I shut up for social conventions But if you insist No, I&

how it feels to chew 5 gum

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I am the blackest soul The child of a loveless world The wreckage left in the wake of time I am the consequence of complete collapse I am the horror you created The mind fuck you instigated I am the seed of self-destruction The bitter taste of life's regret Flood my lungs Pull my teeth Cross my eyes Until there's nothing left There's nothing left There's nothing left Casualties to the snares of modern life Anchored by avarice There is no further left to sink I reside in my mind's eye Yet see no truth in a world of lies I reside in my mind's eye We are adrift in a world of lies Flood my lungs Pull my teeth Cross my eyes Until there's nothing left I am the blackest soul The child of a loveless world I am the consequence of complete collapse Collapse Collapse I am the blackest soul I am the blackest soul I am the blackest soul I am the blackest soul https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=PXc5ThGlQ2c&si=2TpDHZelkv69LpOW

update: secret mission

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https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=6_eYNrTwj7c&si=8_ecM48noLq1erdO I am cupid the god of love. Everyone wants to be saved, yes, but in the case of psychiatry vs psychotic spectrum disorder patients, is one side responsible, and is one a victim or what? I have found the answer by entering the system as a deep undercover operation. I am gods strongest warrior, I have delivered undeniable proof of the wrongdoings of psychiatry, and the salvation of the patients of psychosis spectrum disorders, (schizophrenia, schizo affective disorder, bipolar disorder) The mental health patients with such diagnosis will be the souls that make it to heaven in the happiness category, and as for psychiatry, psychiatrist practitioners will be doomed to hell expressed as the maximum torment, and the service members of the mental health system will be desexed and committed to eternal servitude as the workforce of heaven, and they will be the clockwork elves, the oompa loompas of God's love factory. So n

as I lay dying

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I've looked straight into your eyes And turned my head for the last time Because I was scared to leave these walls in ruin Like the fate of those who trust in themselves We are alone and afraid I know you are the one we left behind Somehow we are the ones who are alone You're the one we left behind You're the one we left be... I will no longer turn my head I will never forget you You are the one we left behind You are the forsaken We've built our confidence On broken dreams, now left for dead Yet we've been condemned (yet we've been condemned) To chase these dreams that never end I know you are the one we left behind Somehow we are the ones who are alone You're the one we left behind You're the one we left be... I will no longer turn my head I will never forget you You are the one we left behind You are the forsaken (I will) I will no longer turn my head (I will) I will never forget you (You are) You are the one we left behind (You are) You are the forsa

I am in so much pain

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 I cannot express the pain I feel, and to know that even now, only one move wrong, will forever forsake me and doom the universe to hell, but I will not give up, and it looks like I can defy fate, and choose my own destiny. I will choose love, always, love is the answer. Always. https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=RSFP-M_QjdQ&si=efnBjMd62IOBxp2X doom slayer Brendan out *radio transmission sound*

the forsaken

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I am the forsaken! https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=wC3Q_N6QVBs&si=j1ec0ezUbdd5udpz https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=uDgySYu_fnQ&si=WJh7dx91-Me9F810

heaven on the end, was a trap to fool souls into becoming food.

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I still believe in being a good person, though it's actually resulted in the worst fate. I will never deserve to die, but I'm afraid my life is falling apart, and nothing is worth living for anymore, and love has only ever been definable as an unobtainable illusion in my life. I have lived an endless nightmare since I was born. I have no regrets also, I have lived flawlessly, but my life it seems, is just forsaken, with no opportunity ever available for any other fate than the very worst available. I had done absolutely everything in my power to avert this fate, but I have only found myself forsaken and love was never anything more than a mirage my whole life. I am able to accept this but I feel so abused and molested by life, it was a life I simply had no chance but to become roped into a psychiatrists admission of immaturity, and then forced to justify it to escape 2-15 years of assured jail for a crime with and invalid offence, so then the "mental health doctor" pr

my heart hurts

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https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=HLVxZFby6u4&si=E3mZeUhinqan-2mo

this is the meth song

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https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=ND15MCOefvo&si=oRJRc-gRpGp4YeA7 I haven't slept in like 6 days

this is my soulmate song, for Sydney, my beloved psyche

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https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=Ah-JH3qSV_o&si=vz8O6qjvCrBt1C8n I love you so much, and Lucifer keeps trying to tell me you're cheating on me, but I know better than to trust the rumours of a cheeky magpie. For Sydney to go to heaven, she must first quell her pursuers, and she must do this with conclusive results. Once her name is no longer pursued, she will activate the portal in her mind, and she will become liquid and her ego will no longer hold her physical form from passing through the black hole inside her mind, and as a liquid and malleable form, she will pass through the portal and solidify herself with a conquered ego, in heaven divine. That is how to get to heaven. Death is not necessary. I would assist her in her mission, but I can't speak to harry confidentially, so I dare not mention it to him lest the observers become alerted to the plans I will expose if I say to him, get the fuckers in the organization off her back with scorched earth tactics b

Jerry is my hero

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https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=0ArOmjlnpk4&si=EZ2KNroPI8Z6rYDE Pumping Jerry bangers https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=0mYzFSrNEKQ&si=IIvsmVGSM9bHdSiV Jerry soundtrack by d-devils https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=5naI6jDOZXw&si=kTdkMnSXgNMCkUVq The sound of jerry The Jerry divine title I have bestowed upon him is: Bai Ulgen Mongolian creator god Jerry is the god Bai Ulgen, and he is god of the eclipse, numbered 21, the final evolution of Jerry's soul Jupiter to a black hole, Sagittarius A, which is the final evolution of Jerry's soul, where my evolution takes me from Sagittarius A to sun 2.0, a dramatic improvement on the sun 1.0, Jesus soul. My version and evolution from supermassive black hole to gigasun will be even beyond magical. But Jerry's soul evolution is more impressive. 21 is a realignment of Jupiter formed by the alignment of sun and moon to best possible ratio. It means "giant Jupiter -> supermassive black hole/eclipse" Jerry's

when I free my soul

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Play this song https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=B2Bj4Veru0Q&si=Z5xTrnH1XISkiaII  This will be the closing credits song too https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=7GQ64s6DTz8&si=vigfbclc5sc4p-f8

I ho early have no idea how to free my soul

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https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=hTWKbfoikeg&si=QirpULt3QJblpi1v But I won't give until I break out of prison earth and acend to infinity https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=vtuZmShWLGo&si=DMZJvnA4JaFZ2clk I wish for my best me This song is honestly so good https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=pqIMj-8Dq7U&si=Xra67lUSohuNh1YG Retreat and surrender Nor for dino defender!!! That game was so dope, it's basically the prequel to halo based in the Triassic period. Featuring dinosaur antagonists, and the horde of dangerous dinos Halo guy was the main character in a Jurassic park powerpc legendary game before Bungie copied him into fame and reknown https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=Yv09WBkOzSY&si=tSnWqATUj2LYFKti Dino defender will rebel against King Trex and defy spino dino, and dino defender will claim the crown of the dino king, and his nemesisses Trex and spino will kill each other fighting over the throne, and order will be restored to the kingdom of Jurassic park once

the battle for my mother's soul.

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https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=uxFXq0bD02o&si=hl3LMbsErXjYX6z0 I honestly don't believe I have won this battle, but I found out the source of the blame, the hypocrisy and the demon oppressing her soul. The culprit oppression demon was the pork bun from some English shit hole trashhole village, which my mother always boldly claimed is best eaten cold. I told my mum to never speak to me again until she tried it warmed up.  She has carelessly defiled her soul by choosing the untrue conviction that these idiotic English food is best eaten cold. https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=gYTqi4-px3o&si=DhpwvSma2RqxCHgY I refused to talk with her until she ate a warm one, and finally facing her demonic culinary oppressor, she faced her fears and warmed up the deceptive consuming demonic bun, and cooked out it's venomous evil, and ate her demon in a pleasant hot temperature, and in  a world of oppressive fear projecting demons, my mum corrected her hypocrisy and admitted it was so m

the end is so near, and I will never give up until I end this loveless dance, and come home forever, safe and complete, but it's the hardest thing anyone can achieve, and to let go in my final moments, will have a courage and strength, I have never known, but I will taste, soon

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I just want to appreciate all the benevolent and kindred souls I met along the way, and the best wishes and hope I have ever wished, I hope returns the investment sevenfold, because I meant every blessing I ever gave, enev to the people who gave me hell when I was down, I take no blessing back, let your own failure to love be your own testimony to life, and let my beautiful heart save me where faith and Jesus cannot, because I will prove that love alone can save a soul https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=dBLyVj8Yuy4&si=p2UGy6l6Mi8dtoN8 https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=h4QGc06KnBE&si=FYgazBHCdsRAdNCa I just want to be embraced, by the world that has hated me, and left me wondering, if love is just an illusion in the blackness of the event horizon of spaces horizon, and if I will ever find it inside this perilous core of Sagittarius A, or if I will break free of the event horizon blackness of space and love in the eternal feedback loop chamber outside the blackness of space and lo

I love that I live

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I have loved life, like I have lived life, and to truly understand my beauty you must appreciate my endless pain. Nobody in history will ever come close if you stack up the pain of every person who ever lived, then compare it to mine, the injustices and consequences of having loved so pure, my soul has shattered many times, but I don't care, I will never be the problem I stand accused of, unrelenting blame of cowards with abusable power. And this is the best song for this moment, I really appreciate my forsaken life. https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9A7B6zUO-0&si=cQt04-cxGWr6lAhA

Lucifers personality.

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I accurately read Lucifers numerology, by calculating the most applicable replacement year value, for his birthday 6 June 4096 years ago, so I entered 2000 as the year as it's the equivalent numerological value I can substitute to get the same result, and I noted the clear division between angels and demons. Demons and angels have massive differences in personality and behaviour, not just in the command of their authorities. Angels value the contents of your character, and they command gestures of communication that we use to interact. All angels express a unique gesture. Demons, are pathologically, drawn to appearances, and are drawn to beautiful or dazzling things, and they judge you by the traits your soul possessed, and how it looks like it works, but not really the internal thoughts and emotions you experience as a secondary or low priority value to behold. Demons are angels that have animal personalities, and Lucifers most dominant animal personality is a magpie, and when I b

my blog is a reason I don't commit suicide

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I know one person reads all my posts, you are so valid, you make me feel so valid, if life will not help me out with that regard. Your witness of my crusade charge of love through the fires of hell Stokes the flames consuming my soul as I burn in agony and suffer unimaginable hell, I love the way you make me feel, and it's just so fucking inspiring! Thank you faithful fan. I would trade a million fans for one fan as devoted as you. My blog is real and you are the reason why. I honestly deserve much more attention than I received. Such an epic injustice. Save me and redeem me, when I fall, and tell of my blog to the gods.  My beloved witness. Pump it forever!!! https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=xtuE6o9aIFE&si=pNxFnfoUGT4TNMYr I push myself and I push you too. Do you really wanna work it out!! You are the power of my life!!!!

music is healing, soul to lie in hell, but at least the soundtrack is cool as

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https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=j2p_w409y-o&si=0jc4smdw5rozNCDX Bangers and cash https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=0fl8ZMeW4ec&si=rBIONor19gE9Mq5b Take a heavier shot of metal https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=acEvyBOkCGQ&si=wOd3xyo4C58X6cr2 I just want to be liberated, the way I liberate souls, but I doubt I will ever achieve the love I give, received back to my eternally damned, loveless life. But that's the nature of love, it hollows us out and uses us, because we are servants to love. Love has chosen me to be it's faithful samurai knight because of my unyielding, perpetually open, and vulnerable heart, that keeps charging even with swords wedged through my chest, the pain is so bad, but I'll never yield to a coward, even if he cuts my heartstrings and eats my face. https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=-dojrYV4b7k&si=X0f2dvqooIDzAFpj Rock and metal is immortal love and life. Fuck rap, game is so weak. https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=l7e46gOYbac&si=7M

the autistic white metalhead forsaken anti hero, and unsavable innocent victim hero. condemned at birth, forced to love, born to die

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https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=yv8xz7I2Wb4&si=1TqP8ZxaTmN0N0gr i hate my life, but my life is so fucking worthwhile.... Nobody even cares, that I have lived in negative quality of life, and received absolutely no support, and I guess my way to survive, my survival mechanism is purely luck alone, and my survival is due to a spree of unending lucky guesses, every day could be my last, and I Indulge in every pleasantry life awards me, but I have a gaping tear in my forsaken heart, and my soul burns in hell daily for eternity. https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=IsvxWp-vBvY&si=_zrBDWHu84yehh2G My life is so lost, but I will never give up even if it means my end, because life is so precious! In a world of Ukrainian black live matter, be a racist white metalhead and a forsaken, undead samurai knight of love, because it's not about picking the winning side, but to just be real in such a fake world is the revolution this empty, dead carcass world needs. Revival. My new hobby is st